Schedule conflicts, or otherwise known as life, sometimes gets in the way of things. Which meant that we had our next D&D session a week early. We will move back to a fortnightly routine again from this session. But in the mean time it means you get to read some D&D stuff earlier than usual.

And now for your reading displeasure the further dramatic retelling of Dram’s latest adventuring.

Ace went off on a supplies run while Dram and the others had breakfast. Dram had asked Ace if he could get a lump of coal for him and some bat fur. Both vital ingredients to that new spell he’d been given by the necromancer a few days ago.

After second breakfast had been polished off, and seconds and thirds followed the same way, Ace stepped back in to the inn from his little excursion. Ace had got the coal but no bat fur. Although he’d been given a hot tip for getting some.

As luck would have it Alderleaf Farm had a bat problem. Wow an excuse to see my fellow halflings thought Dram.

So after the last morsels of the fourth helping of second breakfast were polished off, Dram and the others made their way to the farm. It happened to be on the way to some other place. Dram was sure the others had said where they were going but something more interesting came up at the time that caught his attention, another plate of food.

At Alderleaf Farm his fellow halfling after exchanging pleasantries did indeed have a bat problem in her barn. And it wasn’t a euphemism either. They were real bats, in a real barn.

Ace offered to help Dram get a bat. So they both headed off to the barn.

Inside the bats were sleeping in the rafters. Too high up for Dram to get to them easily. Maybe if he cast misty steps to appear next to one, grab it, and then cast feather fall. He could get one.

While Dram was pondering over the merits of his plan, and what could be mistaken as looking up at them helplessly, Ace made his way up to get one.

Just as Ace was about to grab a bat, an arrow from nowhere struck one, killing it. The remaining two bats awoke. Saw Ace. Jumped to the wrong conclusion and attacked Ace. Ace responded by grabbing one and snapping it’s neck. The third one Dram dispatched with a magic missile. Overkill? Maybe, but it’s good to remind folks that this little guy is more than he seems.

After the little skirmish, it turned out Sarmyar had fired the arrow. Luckily there were two bats that Dram was able to clumsily skin with his little knife to get that much needed fur.

With a little spring in his step, happy he could now cast this new spell if he wanted, he joined the others outside the barn.

After getting directions, which can never be made interesting, and would explain why instead of listening Dram dug out 5 silver coins from his money pouch. By the time he’d done that they were ready to continue on with this new adventure. As they all left Dram handed the coins over to his fellow halfling.

Apparently they were heading to a place called Thundertree. Which took them by the scene of their first fight together. Oh the memories of that skirmish. Nothing like the smell of rotten horse corpses to bring them to the fore front.

A day or so later the party hit the Neverwinter River, where they decide to make their second camp before heading into their destination.

Ace decided to take a swim in the river. An evil thought for a cool practical joke went through Dram’s mind. Wouldn’t it be funny to apply a little electrical charge to the river? But Dram’s better nature got the best of him, and he resisted temptation.

While Dram was having the inner tussle, Ace had pulled Sarmyar into the river. She didn’t seem too impressed with that trick. Dram had to admit it wasn’t much of a trick. Not nearly as cool as the one he’d thought up.

Sarmyar was by the fire drying off, when a dripping wet Ace walks naked passed her.

A question entered Dram’s head, “do elves like have mating seasons?” Which was quickly followed by another question “is this what passes as sexual tension for elves?”

The next morning after breakfast the party made their way into Thundertree. As they made their way into this derelict town they passed a sign with a warning on it. It said “Danger. Plant monsters and zombies. Turn back now.” As a precaution Dram used his glass staff to cast mage armour to protect himself. You can never be too cautious.

As they all stood at the entrance to Thundertree, Ace and Grull were trying to formulate a plan. Something about checking the outer buildings first, blah, blah. There was little being decided. “That building looks interesting”, thought Dram, “and its on the outside.” So Dram went right to the building that had caught his eye. While at the same moment Grull and Ace went left!

Dram poked his head into the old building. It was an old inn. “Hey folks, matured beer might be here” he shouted. He stepped inside.

“Oops”, as Dram entered the inn, standing just inside the door way he saw four dust covered zombies. Blocking his escape was Sarmyar. So Dram did the only thing he could do. Misty Step. One moment he was standing inside the inn, the next he’s standing behind Grull in the street.

The next thing Dram sees is Grull rushing to the door and dragging Sarmyar out of the inn. She wasn’t looking in a good way, and was covered in a white powder. Dram ran over, used his healing potion on her and washed away the white powder as best he could. There was a little guilt having left Sarmyar to handle the zombies. But he would have been in the way. It was a tactical retreat, that way Sarmyar and the others could more easily fight the zombies without him blocking them. Yeah that’s why he cast Misty Step.

The zombies streamed out of the old inn attacking the gnome and the druid. The druid cast Thunderwave. It was so cute when the druid tried to be like a real magic user.

While everyone is fighting the zombies, and trying to make sure they stay down. Ace shouted something about some trees.

Trying once again to be like a real magic user the druid casts a gust of wind at a zombie.

Just to make sure nothing else was going to come out of the inn and attack them, Dram poked his head through the door and looked inside. Then the druid pushes past Dram and hides in the old inn.

While Dram was confirming no more threats were coming from the old inn. The others went to look at some bushes, that apparently they thought were moving. What weirdos.

The gnome starts going all berserk and attacking the bushes. So Dram fires off a magic missile at a couple.

For his efforts Grull shouted at him “stop dicking about and get here and help out”.

Dram felt a little hurt by that comment, and pointed out he wasn’t dicking about. He was making sure there were no more surprises coming from the inn. And who did he think cast the magic missiles?

The next thing Ace is trying to be a peace maker, and trying to talk to the bushes. But that psychotic gnome was having none of it.

Sarmyar once again collapsed to the ground. The moving bundle of twigs had put her down. Lucky for her the druid had decided to give up hiding and ran over to heal her.

In all of the excitement, and what can be only explained as combat fatigue, Ace decided to hug a tree and started talking to it. Had he need hit on the head?

But before Ace’s delusions could fully kick in the gnome turned Ace’s latest love interest into kindling.

With all the moving bushes now only good for fire wood, Grull decided to lecture us all on staying together and being more careful. “When Grull gets like this he’s no fun. All this talk is boring.” Thought Dram.

And that’s where we leave our exhausted adventurers, being told off and deciding what to do next.

Somehow I missed being in the crowd for the royal visit to Wisbech on Tuesday. Despite having a holiday home not an hour away in Sandringham, we rarely see them or get invites. But us serfs of Wisbech on Tuesday were spoilt by having Charles and Camilla visiting.

Frankly I wish they would visit more often. Since the announcement last week of the impending visit the town has actually seen a police presence on the streets. The teen cycle gang that has been terrorising the centre of the town the last few weeks has been finally tackled by the folks in blue at the weekend. The stone steps and path by St Peters Church and the museum has been cleaned. Coincidence? Apparently the homeless in Wisbech had disappeared for the day. Large sections of the town centre (including car parks) were restricted access. Wisbech for a day only, had become some sort of utopia. Just once I wish the royals got to see the real town, and not some sanitised version that papers over the cracks and flaws.

For weeks (at least a couple) locals have been terrorised by that teen gang. Complaints seemingly falling on the deaf ears of the police. And now as I pointed out all of a sudden the man power has been found to do something about the gang! Let’s see if this high police presence and conviction to tackle the gang continues after the visit.

Wow where did that soap box rant come from? Not exactly the best start to a blog post about D&D.

Ok, time for the dramatic retelling of the latest adventures of Dram and that motley crew. Who if you remember were just about to fight 12 zombies after the necromancer Ace was talking to just disappeared. Shit was about to get real…
Grull rushed in swinging axe at the nearest zombies, that little gnome managed to take out a zombie all by himself. So while the others were going hand to hand with the undead, Dram started firing off one of his cantrips, Ray of Frost at the zombies.

All of a sudden a skeletal hand appears from nowhere and grabs Dram. It squeezes hard around Dram’s chest, getting ever tighter and pushing the air out of his lungs. As suddenly as it appears, the skeletal hand disappeared. Severely winded, it took a moment or two for Dram to get his breathe back. Then realising he was vulnerable Dram decided he needed to relocate quickly. So he quickly cast Misty Step.

One moment Dram was near Sarmyar and Nick who were fighting zombies the next he was gone. The others didn’t see Dram reappear out of sight at the side of the tent. Before he could decide what to do next, black magic missiles hit the others.

“Lay prone, weapons down, and we can talk”, boomed a voice.

Still reeling from that skeletal hand attack, and the casting of his own spell, Dram decided to crawl into the tent and hide. Inside the tent Dram saw a wooden chest. “Look at the craftsmanship on that chest. Like wow.” Thought Dram.

Once again the voice boomed it’s command.

Deciding the only way to appreciate such fine wood work was to sit on it and rest, Dram sat on the chest.

“Can I get up yet?” Shouted Dram.

The next thing Dram heard was Ace’s voice “drop your weapons and give up.”

Suddenly two zombies appeared in the door way and just stood there. Followed by that booming voice once again issuing a command, “leave or he dies”.

“That doesn’t sound good” thought Dram, followed by “I wonder who will die?”

The zombies moved aside and let Dram out of the tent as he made his way to leave. Right next to the necromancer was Ace just standing there not moving. As Dram went passed the necromancer he tipped his hat and complimented him on his magical skills. Dram could have learnt a lot from him he thought.

After joining the others of the group outside the walls of the ruined tower, Dram noticed Grull was missing. ‘Oh well he’ll turn up, something that big never stays lost for long.” thought Dram.

As if from nowhere the necromancer appeared next to Dram and says “if you ever want to join the dark side” and handed Dram a small bone tube.

Before anyone notices Ace also disappears. Maybe Ace and Grull have gone ahead. So Dram and the rest of the group head off back to Phandalin. The depleted group decide to make camp at a previous camping spot.

After setting up camp Dram and Sarmyar took the first watch. This gave Dram the opportunity to examine that small bone tube he’d been given. Wow it was a scroll of Darkness. Dram couldn’t wait to copy that spell into his spellbook back in Phandalin.

The rest of the watch went relatively quietly. That is until Grull suddenly appeared and ran up and grabbed Dram. Sweeping him off his feet, and in a vice like grip, Dram’s natural instinct was to grab Grull and cast Shocking Grasp.

The electric shock got Grull to let go of Dram.

Grull angrily asked “Why did you not fight?” Dram then spent the next few minutes explaining to Grull in little words what happened to him during the recent battle with the necromancer and his zombies. Grull seemed happy with the events and reason it appeared Dram had done nothing in the skirmish.

Nick and the gnome were still sleeping through all of this. They must have been really tired from the days excitement. They even missed Ace trying to convince Grull to drink perfume! Which he goes and does anyway, well a watered down perfume.

Once the hilarity was over. The rest of the night passed away without any incidents. After breakfast the group continued their journey to Phandalin. The following two days of traveling were pretty uneventful, and saw everyone arrive back in good time for the evening meal.

Dram was feeling particularly generous and bought a meal for himself, Grull and the gnome. Do you know how the gnome repaid that act of kindness? By boring Dram to death with a story of how he had come to meet up with this rag tag band of adventurers. Talk about snooze fest. Dram was gobsmacked that Grull was finding the story interesting. Dram was struggling to stay awake. This gnome just didn’t know how to tell a story. ‘Blah blah, betrayed, blah, blah killed son”. So Dram made an excuse needing go to the toilet, and disappeared up to his room.

Back in the room, Dram copied the Darkness spell from the scroll to his spellbook. Dram had only just finished this intricate activity there was a knock on the door. When Dram answered, there was Ace who handed him a healing potion. It was the potion that Dram had paid for before their little visit to see the banshee, and get their butt kicked.

And so dear reader, well done for making it through that dramatic retelling of Dram’s latest escapades. Join us next time when Dram will once more astound you with his magical powers, and reviews of the funniest eating establishments.

Welcome to the second D&D post. The last one took a while to write, but now we are all up to date on the adventures of Dram and the large folks these posts should be quicker to write.

Naturally when I retell the events of the adventuring that week they will be told from the ground level that is the world that Dram occupies.

But who is Dram?

Dram is a halfling wizard. Think miniature Gandalf. Hence the colour scheme I painted the miniature I found for him.

Dram’s mouth gets him into so much trouble on his wanderlust over the Forgotten Realm. That’s despite the sage advice his pop often repeated to him “engage your brain before opening your mouth” as he was growing up.

Dram from an early age found a love for reading, particularly manuscripts and scrolls. Which luckily the village elder had many of. They told stories of fantastical creatures, and wild and dangerous places full of interesting things.

Then one day a wounded wizard stumbled into the village. The village druid patched up the wizard, and a place was found for him to recover. The days following the villagers dressed the wounds, fed and watered the wizard. It was during this time that Dram while helping his father and mother take their turn looking after the wizard stumbled across the wizards belongings. Which had these strange books and scrolls that he hadn’t seen the likes of before.

This interest in the spell books and scrolls hadn’t gone unnoticed by the wizard in his weakened state. While recuperating the wizard started to teach Dram how to read the magical incantations. It wasn’t long before Dram was able to make a stick create light. He was a natural.

Fully healed the wizard was ready to leave and continue on his journey. But before doing so he spoke to Dram and his parents. He wanted Dram to go with him and continue his studies to become a wizard.

Dram was still too young to go on a wanderlust. But technically this wasn’t one he argued to his parents, he was going off to school, not find adventure. Dram’s parents reluctantly agreed.

Years later a letter was delivered to Dram. It was from his friend Targi. It was fortuitous in it’s arrival. Dram was just about to have his studies cut short due to his mouth getting him into trouble once or twice. It might have been more but who was counting? Oh the senior wizards, that’s who.

Dram decided to head off on his travels looking for adventure and his friend Targi. They needed to talk.

Which is how Dram ended up in Neverwinter, and bumping into the motley crew he’s ended up helping and saving on the odd occasion. They’d be helpless without him.

His current spellbook is…

Before I get onto the latest of Dram’s journal entries. Thought I’d include pictures of pilfering Ace. Naturally outside of the game I can refer to Ace as that, but inside the game Dram currently has no idea.

Now on to the latest adventuring…
It was weird. Dram didn’t know how to exactly explain it. One moment he’s chatting away and then the next he felt all different. He couldn’t quiet put his finger on it. Dram felt like if he tried he could remember more, even last longer trading magical blows with another wizard. Was the staff causing this? No. Dram would have noticed that when he examined the it, wouldn’t he? He started mumbling words he’d never used before.

After the conversation had finished with the nun lady Dram headed back to the inn for a late brunch, while the others went off and did their thing. “Weird”, thought Dram, “why wouldn’t they want to eat now and do other stuff afterwards?”

Back at the shrine, everyone had done their “thing”, and Grull wanted to see this banshee. Which kind of sounded interesting. Dram hadn’t seen one of them before. “Besides without me Grull is bound to get into all sorts of trouble, I better go with him” was the thought process that flashed through Dram’s mind before chirping in that he was going.

After getting directions we all set off to see this banshee.

We set up camp in a familiar spot, and Sarmyar and Dram took first watch. As luck would have it a dire wolf and some wolf friends of it’s turned up. The dire wolf was standing right behind Dram, while the wolves were trying to wake up the rest of the party. Dram decided to show the dire wolf a cool party trick called witch bolt. Which it didn’t seem to pleased about. But luckily it took that frustration out on Sarmyar’s pet panther.

“AGAIN! I’ve done all the work!” exclaimed Dram as Sarmyar finished off the dire wolf.

“Good grief that gnome is sleeping through all this excitement, and there are wolves standing right over him!” Grull and Ace rush over to help the paladin, who wasn’t asleep. But out for the count.

While that was going on Dram turns his attention to the last wolf and mumbles some new words and casts a scorching ray. Which drops dead as it tries to run away.

After the excitement, everyone tries to get some rest in before morning.

The next morning Grull and Dram come to a deal, Dram will make breakfast for Grull, if Grull makes a nice dire wolf blanket. So while Dram is cooking, Grull is skinning and tanning away. Ace smelt the food, and tried begging some free breakfast. So Dram threw him some ol’ jerky.

Over breakfast Grull started hallucinating that he could talk to the panther. Not just the panther but to all animals. Dram replayed the previous nights excitement back in his head. He didn’t remember seeing Grull get hit over the head at any point. “Strange Grull is going completely bonkers. I must keep an eye on him”, thought Dram.

As luck would have it a cart came along that was going our way. It was nice to not have to walk and be able to just relax and take in the scenery as we went along.

The party was dropped off at some ruins that apparently was our stop. It was evening but everyone else thought it would be a good idea to go see this banshee. Even more remarkable we found her woodland lair and she was in. Ace did all the talking with Grull chipping in. Dram thought Ace likes to think he’s a ladies man, and his charm would even work on a banshee. Dram thought it was pretty cool seeing this dead elf hovering there, he could see right through her.

Ace gave her the comb that he’d been given to use with the banshee. But Dram had drifted off now and was bored. “If the banshee wasn’t going to do anything cool like attack Ace, why were we hanging around?”, he thought.

After the banshee disappeared we headed back to the ruined town and made camp. That was uneventful too. This trip was starting to get boring.

The next morning fully rested, the gang headed South.

Late afternoon, early evening the party arrived at a tower. Upon closer inspection from afar 12 zombies came out and started to gather round a human and the tent he was stepping out of.

“Obviously this guy is up-to no good”, and instantly before the others could react, Dram had cast his Scorching Ray and hit the human.

“How is he still standing?” Thought a puzzled Dram. “He should be frazzled.” But he wasn’t, it turns out he was a “fellow” wizard but of that awful necromancy school. Dram don’t trust him. 12 zombies isn’t innocent and self defence.

Ace once again started to try and sweet talk the wizard. Ace is standing next to the wizard trying to bargain for something. When suddenly the wizard disappears and Ace is surrounded by zombies. Dram knew it. You can never trust those necromancers.

And that is where our adventure finished until the next instalment.