I think I have an addiction to army surplus gear.

Part of my gear refresh has seen me purchase one or two items. Such as the BCB crusader mk1 cookset, a British army basha, a British army artic sleeping bag, US Marine bivy bag from the modular sleep system, a Dutch army hooped bivy bag, and a USGI poncho are the items that come to mind as I start writing this post.

Why?

The gear isn’t the lightest, most hi tech latest and greatest walking/outdoor kit. Although it is great value. Often cheaper than a similar “civilian” product.

The gear is also usually a lot more robust. Able to keep working after taking a lot more abuse than regular gear could. Yes it’s built to a higher spec. It has to be. A soldier has to be able to rely on the kit in much more harsh environments than your average hiker/bushcrafter will ever experience.

But I think there is another reason why I’m drawn to it.

My dad was in 2 Para D Company in the late sixties to early seventies. He left the army not long after my brother was born.

Although I was born in Wisbech. The first two years of my life were spent in Aldershot. Which at the time was the home of the Parachute Regiment.

Growing up my brother and I were very typical little boys. Always playing soldier. Especially on days out to Sandringham, or camping trips to Thetford. We had dad’s old beret as part of our play gear. We even had homemade shields from old playboards.

I have vague memories of going to army shows as a kid, along with family days held by the TA. Which saw kids being able to fire guns on the firing range. Supervised obviously. Of the shows I have memories of helicopters, armoured personnel carriers, and tanks being there for kids etc to explore and climb over. I remember cargo netting for climbing, even death slides.

Some of our birthday parties were at the old TA hall in Wisbech (now long gone and replaced by an Aldi).

There used to be an army surplus store at Eye. Which dad took us to once or twice. I enjoyed my visits. Always leaving with something. I was in the scouts at this time. It was on an over night camp at the old scout hut (now built over) that I wore a surplus wool shirt purchased from Eye. Boy was it itchy.

I think part of me sees getting and using this army surplus kit as Jamling Tenzing Norgay describes so well with the title of his book, (and I borrowed for the title of this post) Touching My Father’s Soul.

There was never a chance I’d join the army. Despite that being my life ambition when I was under the age of ten. There would only be one regiment I would ever be able to join. As a teenager I knew that I wasn’t up to doing that. My skills lay in other areas. The home computer boom of the early eighties had shown me I had a talent for programming.

I know that in his note to me dad said I was a good son. But I can’t help thinking that if I’d followed him into the Paras he would have been really proud.

I did have a spell in the air cadets (mainly because my mates were in it) and got my marksmanship badge. I’m not sure how dad felt about that.

I think this is my way of saying my early years were as an army kid.

Dad took his own life in 1988 at the age of 42. I was 20 at the time. Going over the events of that morning is maybe for another day. I’ve now lived more than 14 years longer than him. That day has been with me ever since.

This surplus gear for me on a personal level feels like I’m connecting with dad. Yes it’s not gear he actually used. But similar. However just having it, using it (eventually), somehow creates a link between us.

Using the protractor to work out a compass bearing on a map. It’s something dad would have done. Somehow in that moment I’m following in his footsteps.

One day before I get too long in the tooth I too will under take my version of the journey Jamling Tenzing Norgay took by jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.

Until then I will continue to think of dad every time I use a bit of military kit.