It’s four years to the day and damn near hour (as I write this) that Nan left us.
There’s not a day I don’t miss her.
In the post remembering my dad’s passing I dedicated a poem called Epitaph by Merrit Malloy to both him and Nan.
I’m keeping the post short because it’s hard to keep writing through leaking eyes.
September is such a shit month for me anniversary wise.
Today (as I write this) is the anniversary of my dad taking his life 37 years ago.
It doesn’t get easier.
He regularly is in my thoughts. Particularly when situations arise and I think the people involved are lucky I’m not like my dad. Well in some ways I am. But in one important one they are lucky because they are still standing. They would not like the combination of his short temper and para training.
Yesterday evening for some reason YouTube threw up a clip from NCIS (s18e09) where Fornell’s daughter dies from an overdose. In the clip Vance is asked to read a poem he had been given after the loss of his wife to the NCIS team.
I thought the poem was lovely and would be a suitable tribute for Dad and Nan.
Epitaph
by Merrit Malloy
When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.
Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on in your eyes
And not your mind.
You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands,
By letting bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.
Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.
As a final tribute to the only man I ever feared but loved with all my heart (yes a lot there to unpack for a therapist) here are some photos of post Army dad. I think we can all agree my beard is more impressive, and probably why subconsciously I started growing one.
Miss you Dad.
Mention the word vertigo and I instantly think of the Hitchcock classic.
However since Sunday morning I’ve been reminded it’s a medical thing too.
Being woken up by Dolly to go out at 6am on Sunday is not the ideal time to find out that all of a sudden the world has turned into a 1960s Batman set.
Returning to bed was a relief and I tried to sleep off the feeling of nausea I’d gotten from standing up too long.
Later in the morning I dumped the little monsters on mum. They needed letting out regularly and that was going to be an issue for me in my current state. In the end they stayed the night with mum.
But during the day and night I was lying as still as possible with my eyes closed. Often drifting in and out of sleep.
A risky trip to the doctors (mind you all trips to the doctors unwell are potentially risky for a single person) yesterday got me an exercise to do plus some tablets to stop the nausea.
Although all three missed me. Dolly apparently didn’t settle. So she has been back with me. Dolly needs less visits outside than the Nico and Loki.
The nausea has stopped thanks to the pills.
However the world is still spinning when I move my head, and I still walk like a drunk. So stating the obvious I’m not safe to drive. Let alone spend the day on my feet working.
So that’s where I am lying on my back, moving as little as possible, doing the exercise I have been given.
One project I recently backed on Kickstarter and about to finish and go into production is for the ZX Spectrum Next version 3.
I’ve been aware of the ZX Spectrum Next since its original crowdfunding a few years back. But I resisted backing that and the subsequent follow up campaign. The cost put me off if I remember correctly.
So what changed with this new edition to tempt me to part with my money?
When I saw that this version will also have the ability to be a Commodore 64 I was tempted. After all I had a C64 before I had a Speccy. For the record I loved both, and I think this was the start of my gaming philosophy of playing a game on the platform that had the best version.
However what got me to press that back project button was a third computer that it could also run as. That third machine was the Sinclair QL. The QL was a dream machine for me that I’d never own. It really was an object of desire for me.
And the thing about the ZX Spectrum Next is this is not some Raspberry Pi running emulators in a pretty case. It’s doing all this in hardware! Plus it upgrades the graphics, sound, can use sd cards, tape, WiFi, Bluetooth, HDMI, etc.
Not only that as a programmer it comes with NextBASIC (I’m assuming I can also tinker with Sinclair BASIC if I so desire), full C support, Assembly, and complete IDEs and toolchains. So I can write my own stuff for it.
“With every system shipped, a SD card is included packed with games, apps, demos, documentation, and development tools to get started right out of the box.” (from the kickstarter page)
I’m looking forward to tinkering with Z80 assembly on it. Back in the day I was a BASIC and 6502 assembly guy. Then it was BASIC/C/Modula 2/68000 when I made the jump to 16bit on the Atari ST.
To help me with my Z80 journey I found out that a company has reprinted Spectrum Machine Language for the Absolute Beginner that was originally printed by Melbourne House publishing (I had the C64 version). To go along with that I also got Programming the Z-80 by Rodnay Zaks. Back in the day the go to authors for assembly programming were Zaks and/or Lance Leventhal. I had Lance’s 6502 and 68000 books. I had one by Zaks as well but I can’t remember for which processor.
I also backed and received a copy of Hewson’s Helpline for the ZX Spectrum, ZX80 & ZX81 a few months back. This is basically a collection of his columns from Sinclair User. These are fairly technical articles answering readers questions with snippets of code in BASIC and assembly.
I’ve also ordered a copy of 40 Best Machine Code Routines for the ZX Spectrum by Hewson as well.
So armed with these books I’m hoping to write my first ever Z80 assembly programs for the Speccy. There’s just something about writing assembler that higher languages don’t give you. I’m kinda excited about that prospect.
Finally before I finish this post I should say there were two versions of this Next, classic black and magenta. I went for the magenta.
I’m sure there will be more on this subject once the project delivers later in the year.
This is kinda a still alive post but focused more on those four legged little monsters that I live with.
First up I’ve been sent a new photo (see below) of our latest recruit from Peru, Diogo. Yes I know in the post announcing his recruitment he was called Durin. However I decided to rename him in tribute to Diogo Jota who died tragically along with his brother in a car crash at the start of July.
I’m a Liverpool supporter. Have been since the age of 7. OMG it’s just clicked that’s 50 years now.
The parting of our Forever 20 hit me harder than I thought. I think the only other two times the death of someone I never knew but they still meant something to me hit me hard was Steve Jobs and Elvis.
I remember being told at work by a friend of Jota’s passing. I was date coding yoghurts when he came up to me and asked “had I seen the news about Jota?” I was expecting him to tell me Liverpool had accepted an offer for him. Instead he told me he had died in a car accident. I really did find it hard to continue our conversation, it felt like I’d start crying any second. There was definitely emotion in my voice as I spoke. To say I continued the rest of my shift in a bit of a daze was an understatement. My fellow Liverpool supporters at work couldn’t believe the news. We were in shock. It was hard to express what we were feeling, even to talk about it without breaking down in tears.
So it seemed natural that I’d want to do something to remember Diogo Jota. Hence the renaming of Durin to Diogo.
The other little monsters news is that Nico had a heart scan Tuesday and the heart murmur detected is actually two faulty valves. He has been prescribed a heart medication that he needs to take every 12 hours for the rest of his life.
The good thing is that he wasn’t experiencing any of the health issues that can be related to his heart problem. But if they do start they can be treated.
UPDATE: since writing this post this morning I’ve received another photo from Peru of Diogo and just had to share it here.
On a gaming front the quick visit to see Nath was a blow out.
I took Vantage and Machi Koro 2 with me.
I think it’s best to describe Nath’s living arrangements as between homes at the moment. He is moved out of his previous place and waiting to move into his new place.
Which means currently he is stopping in a “granny” flat at his mother’s place.
This temporary accommodation doesn’t have a suitable table to play on. Space is at a premium and the very small table is being utilised for other things.
I even had to sleep on the floor. Something I’ve not done since the last couple of years of Striders life. Luckily I had my Swiss army blanket, and British Army artic sleeping bag. I used my woobie in its stuff sack as a pillow. So Dolly and I were comfortable. She ended up sleeping on the sleeping bag. But it was warm still during the night so I didn’t need it.
I did get to see Nath’s new home and help a little getting it ready. Well I put a bed side cabinet together for him.
Dolly really enjoyed her stay because she was able to just wander in and out as she wanted. And she really liked having access to what must be nearly an acre of lawn. I did notice Dolly doesn’t like gravel. She went around it whenever possible to avoid it. I kinda felt guilty that she doesn’t have this freedom or sized garden at home.
Yes our visit was way shorter than intended. But is was great to be with Nath again.
There is a plan that I see Nath very briefly when Diogo arrives. But that will be an overnight stay. The majority of that holiday will be helping Diogo settle in to his new forever home.
Now I have a couple of days before returning to work.
I believe the Met Office calls the current hot weather our third heatwave of the year so far. But it feels like one big long heatwave, with the odd day or two of respite.
Yes on those cooler days I’ve managed to get Dolly out for a walk. But not on the longer more scenic walks. Those more tolerable summer days have fallen on days that I had to work.
I’ve also not got over the con crud I picked up from the UKGE. Even after getting a course of antibiotics from the doctors. Yes it had got that bad.
Vantage the latest game by Stonemaier Games was launched for sale on their website last Wednesday. And yes I did order a copy along with the upgraded components and player mats. Oh plus the Vantage Rolling Realms promo pack.
I’m expecting Vantage to arrive tail end of next week. So it will be after my visit to Nath next week.
Yep after tomorrow’s shift I’m on holiday for a week and a half.
What has arrived in time is Railroad Tiles (with a damaged box).
Wave three of Halo Flashpoint with the Banished is arriving Monday. Closely followed by my Enlightened Equipment Revelation Apex custom sleeping quilt on Tuesday.
So next week is looking like a big week on the arrivals front.
Going back to my visit to Nath I have not decided what games I’m taking with me yet. I’m taking his house warming present which is a copy of The Witcher board game. But other than that I’ve not made my mind up.
I do know I’ll be taking my walking stuff so we can have (heatwave permitting) a chill walk with a coffee stop.
That’s it for now, laters.
If you are a football fan (like me) you know that this time of year is all about the transfer market. The coming and going of players from your favourite team (my team is Liverpool for the record) for sums of money we mere mortals can only dream of.
However like my club I am in the midst of a transfer to strengthen my little monsters.
I want to say about two months ago my ex-wife was on holiday in Peru where her partner and her rescued three stray dogs.
It wasn’t just that they were strays, but that they had been injured in one way or the other.
A one year old bitch had a gash down a back leg, an eight month old dog had been hit by a car, a third older bitch I had no details on.
The dogs are now in a rescue home recovering.
Now my ex is trying to find homes for those three rescued dogs over here in the UK.
Two weeks ago I got a whatsapp message from her with a photo (see below) of one of them with the words “he’s only a little one”.
I cracked, accusing my ex of emotional manipulation, and then saying we’d have him.
Ok mum wasn’t too keen on the idea of an additional dog. But we’ve had up to five between us at one point! And three were bigger dogs too.
Obviously I’ve given a new name to this little fella.
When I get the opportunity to name a four legged friend I use a Tolkien naming convention. Being short and hairy I had to come up with a dwarven name.
Meet Durin.
Durin will be joining us in three to four months time. He needs an international chip, rabies injection. I think there was to be a waiting period after the injection. Then Durin will be on a plane from Peru, no quarantine. He’ll land in Heathrow with me picking him up.
So once the transfer is complete there will be an official reveal.
Yep I had plans to get out with Dolly but this continuing heat wave puts a stop to that.
It’s about being a responsible dog owner.
The heat means Dolly isn’t settling in the evenings. So sleep is interrupted. I can assure you if Dolly can’t sleep she won’t let the rest of us.
I’m going on about how Dolly is suffering in the heat because she is feeling it more than Nico or Loki. They seem to be taking the heat wave in their stride. Maybe it’s their genetics helping them.
Despite all this I have played some games and I’ll write about them in a separate post.
It’s about two weeks before I’m on holiday again with plans to visit Nath during that time.
In the meantime I’m alive, suffering in the heat with Dolly, and still trying to get rid of this chest infection.
Forgive me readers it has been five days since my last post.
The little monsters enjoyed having me home and spending time with them relaxing before I had to return to work.
I always plan two or three days after going away to give mum a break, and time to recover. Who knew three little dogs could be so stressful and such hard work?
The later half of last week a cold kicked in. Making work a real struggle.
I think I have to accept that when my body is fighting any infection that it affects my legs. I’m putting it down to getting old.
Where did I get this cold?
The theory I have is it’s what is affectionately known as con crud. Yes I suspect I bought it home with me from the expo. One of those many bodies in the bustle of the expo that I came into contact with, invaded my personal space, very kindly over shared.
So while suffering from the cold I found every day life so tiring as my body waged its internal war.
Having spent a lot of my reserves each morning just getting through a shift at work. There was so little left for once I got home.
Coughing, sneezing was painful each time I did either thanks to whatever I did to my tongue at the start of my expo adventure.
Despite the above I did get some gaming in last week. Which included one or two of the new additions from the expo. But I’ll write a separate post about them.
So there you have it, another bland life update. Life in the fast lane baby!