Touching My Father’s Soul

Posted on | November 10, 2009 | 11 Comments

has to be one of my favourite book titles ever. But this is not the complete title of the book, which is “Touching My Father’s Soul: A Sherpa’s Journey To The Top Of Everest”. It should come as no surprise that with an amazing title like that it was written by Jamling Tenzing Norgay, son of Tenzing Norgay.

The book itself tells of Jamling’s experience of summiting Everest in 1996. Now that last sentence does the whole book an injustice and doesn’t really tell you anything. For starters some of you may not be aware that the 1996 Summer climbing season on Everest saw one of the worst (if not the worst) incidents in the history of Everest. It has been covered in several other books such as “Into Thin Air”, “The Climb” , “Left For Dead:My Journey Home From Everest”, “Climbing High:A Woman’s Account Of Surviving The Everest Tragedy” and “The Death Zone:Climbing Everest Through The Killer Storm”. But all these books have the same problem. They cover the events from a Western perspective. Jamling’s book is the only one that covers those events from the eyes of the sherpa. Which makes it worth reading just for this fact alone.

But it is the other story that Jamling tells in this book that is the touching one and that gives us the title of this book. It’s the story of how he grapples with the legacy of his father. A legacy that not only consisted of summiting Everest, but also of their relationship together.

The title as I said is one of my favourites and speaks volumes to me, as does the journey of Jamling with his fathers legacy. I suppose it reminds me of the relationship I had with my own father, and an inner desire to also have known him better. (Picture Left: Dad and our dog Rex)

Although my father never left the same legacy as Jamling’s he too left one for me of similar proportions.

I know that the majority of modern fathers are a lot better at expressing and showing their emotions to their children. That their relationships are rich and fulfilling. But my Dad was old school in that department. I have no doubt that he loved me and my brother. He just had trouble showing it.

With what happened with Dad it is hard not to be haunted by the idea that may be if we had had that closer relationship that things would of been different. Even twenty one years later my soul is still scared with what happened and what if’s.

(Picture Right: Dad collecting samphire on the mud flats of the Wash. A regular activity at weekends when it was in season.)

So what legacy do I think I am leaving for my sons?

Well this admission is hard to say, for the older two now in their early twenties I have failed, and we are not that close. There are many reasons for this, and I am the cause of most of them. And looking back over recent events, I’m sure that our failed relationship contributed to them.

With Nath things have been very different. Our relationship is more the one of the modern father described above. Despite the distance between us now.

Still I hope that the boys will be able to look back through this blog and feel that after reading it they know me a little better. That’s if they remember that I wrote the blog that is.

It’s funny and pretty amazing how a book can spark such deep and soul searching thoughts. But then that is the power of the written word.

Category: Blog

Comments

11 Responses to “Touching My Father’s Soul”

Chris
November 10th, 2009 @ 4:35 pm

Great post Darren and really nicely written. There’s quite a lot there that many people can relate to I think.
Darren
November 10th, 2009 @ 5:26 pm

Chris, thnx.
Really appreciate the comment, it means alot to me this post.
Peewiglet
November 10th, 2009 @ 7:16 pm

Touching writing, Darren. I’ll look out for that book. Thank you for suggesting it.

The whole topic of relationships with parents has been at the forefront of my mind for… well, quite a while now, I suppose, with my mother’s death 18 months ago and now my father’s vascular dementia. It’s difficult stuff. All you can do is your best. I hope you and your two older sons can strengthen that bond while there’s still time. Ultimately, we children only ever have one father and one mother, and nobody is perfect ♥
PhilT
November 10th, 2009 @ 7:47 pm

Nice post Darren.

Parenting scares me a little – the idea of effectively shaping a person sees like far too much responsibility to me.

I lost my father recently and we weren’t that close over the last five or six years – something I REALLY regret. It’s easy to make excuses not to go and visit, particularly when distances are substantial, but Shirl last line is perfect – “we children only ever have one father and one mother, and nobody is perfect”. Humans ARE fallible, but we do have the ability to recognise failings in both ourselves and others and attempt to make amends. I wish I’d done that actually!
Kath@Parklover
November 10th, 2009 @ 9:31 pm

This is a very honest and touching post, there’s a lot to think about here. I sometimes wonder if I’m right to write about my daughter, but then I think she might enjoy looking at it as a kind of diary of our time together. I hope we enjoy a close relationship when she grows up, but you never know do you? I hope your sons can get to know you better by reading your blog.
Darren
November 10th, 2009 @ 9:48 pm

Shirl,Phil,Kathy
thanks for the great comments.
I’ve been very nervous about this post. And it seems that it has made people think, especially about their own relationships.
This has probably been my most personal post so far. Hopefully it will speak to them as well if they ever read it.
Dave Hollin
November 11th, 2009 @ 1:12 am

Darren,

we all have things we regret about our relationships with our parents and with our children.

I didnt have a good relationship with my mother for various reasons and she died when I was 18 so I never got the chance to “put things right” or discuss stuff as an adult. I only have adolescent memories of her now and a sense of regret.

My relationship with my father is strained. Mostly due to my stepmother but then thats an excuse however true it might be

I had to spend 18months away from my kids recently due to redundancy and the need to get a job (away from home unfortunately). However, that break has made me realise what is important and I have a better relationship with my kids now that before.

Sometimes things get worse before they get better or at least help you to put things into perspective.

The fact that you have thought about your relationships within your family shows an understanding and a realisation of the truly fundamentally important things in life.
Baz
November 11th, 2009 @ 8:00 am

Darren, you’ve managed to encapsulate the essence of something here in such a subtle manner.
I suppose it is human nature to be imperfect, and I have known ‘perfect’ Sons who somehow can’t see eye to eye with ‘perfect’ Fathers.
The raft of stuff I could write about my own parents… but I wouldn’t put it as subtly as you did, it certainly wouldn’t be objective, and they are both alive anyway.
I could point fault, but now I am a father and already making mistakes (I’m an early starter!) [you're right, PhilT, it is scary!]… I shall ponder my thoughts until I, too, get perfect.
Many thanks for the post, and I’m sure your blog will stand up by itself in this regard.
Darren
November 12th, 2009 @ 5:27 pm

The feedback and comments are amazing. Thank you all for these touching comments, it does mean a lot to me.
frank the brother
November 13th, 2009 @ 4:13 pm

nice Darren ,good 2 see the pics again and have 2 agree with some of the things you put down ,I’m a bit old school like dad was and think thats where I went wrong with my girls know matter how much I loved them expressing it was a lot harder
Darren
November 14th, 2009 @ 8:23 am

Frank, thanks for comment. It means a lot to me that you read this.